Is it so wrong that I just want a boy to cuddle with?

I went to the doctor today to look at my skin and shit. He put a little magnifying glass all over my body. I have to get two moles removed. Week after next I have an appointment with the tit surgeon. I feel like I went to the doctor once and as a consequence I have to go for the next two months. I feel like any day now they're going to find something else that's wrong.

I feel better when I dance. So I should dance more. Bonilla said I should have a passionate fling to distract myself and that sounds like a good idea because I want physical comforts and I want a boy anyway but I still feel really emotionally fucked and I don't want some dude I really like or maybe don't like that much but just want badly feeling up my tumors because the big one feels really gross and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the others get bigger too. I miss Ray because the Ray I remember would never have told me that my tumor was gross. He used to tell me my armpit was pretty. He would tell me that I'm okay, that I'm going to be okay, that worrying will make things worse than it could possibly help them and most importantly he would make me believe all those things. Things that I know I should think but wish I could believe.