This weekend I: nearly went home with silverballs
dug up my binder full of tabs from when I took guitar lessons in high school
cruised around in a limo sipping champagne and listening to rap
went to a drag show (note: I want to be a drag queen when I grow up)
got a free semi-striptease from 3 very drunk Italian dudes
slept in a room for 3 with 9 other girls
got hung the fuck over
got my shit together
and got my hair did
casually interviewed the dude from Horse Feathers
and reaffirmed my girl crush on Thao.
and the only thing that's missing is more sleep, but who needs that?
Showing posts with label silverballs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label silverballs. Show all posts
Monday, August 4, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
Irrational fears: I have some.
I'm dancing in a piece next month in Balboa Park and I have to fall up. I kind of dive into the group with a little arabesque and they lift me up and I ride around in the air and then they put me down. The first time it was cool because I just closed my eyes and I tried not to cry or pee myself but the second time I totally fucked up. I opened my eyes. I'm gonna have to work on that. I don't want to look super miserable on stage. When Gina does it she looks completely blissful and I want to feel that way but it makes me really anxious. The theme of the piece is allegedly "longing" so I guess the lifts are supposed reaching out for whatever it is that I'm longing for and I should probably not look like I'm having an anxiety attack.
A couple months ago I got vertigo cleaning the back shelves at work and Silverballs had to help me down. I think I just need to trust more that they've got me and it'll feel better. I need to get used to it. Ray used to pick me up and I liked it because I knew or "knew" or whatever that he loved me or anyway that being dropped by him wasn't within the realm of possibility. When he had me, it didn't bother me at all. I was nothing and it was easy to lift me up. I want it to feel like that. It scares me and I want to do it again. It feels almost as good as making bad decisions and I love me some of that.
Speaking of bad decisions, I saw Wolf Parade at Canes on Sunday. Not that that was a bad decision, just that those are a few of my favorite things: Wolf Parade and bad decisions. I was so close to the Krug I couldn't believe it. He definitely sweated on me. His music has been really important to me. The last few years have been kind of shitty/lonely and his music has made me feel less lonely in a way that I don't think a real person that I actually know could do. Wow, that sounded really gay. We're dropping a ponygirl video on it soon because if we had to battle to write about the show that shit would get gnarly brutal. We don't want to do that to our pretty little faces. But I guess it's cool if I let some really homosexual things out here, in the interest of not being a total ass in the video.
I don't know if maybe I'm just projecting or what, but I feel like the emotional landscape of those songs is like looking in a god damn mirror. Bad decisions, impossibilities, infidelities, snippets of conversation and the shape of your hands. Thwarted desires. Maybe it's just being human. Even "I'll Believe in Anything", a song that seems so optimistic and romantic has the underlying tension of impossibility. It's all in his delivery. Listen to "Three Colors" and ask yourself if you think the person he's talking to gives a fuck about the wind in his window. That show made me want to write music again. The energy was incredible. Been doodling with my guitar. See what happens.
I'm dancing in a piece next month in Balboa Park and I have to fall up. I kind of dive into the group with a little arabesque and they lift me up and I ride around in the air and then they put me down. The first time it was cool because I just closed my eyes and I tried not to cry or pee myself but the second time I totally fucked up. I opened my eyes. I'm gonna have to work on that. I don't want to look super miserable on stage. When Gina does it she looks completely blissful and I want to feel that way but it makes me really anxious. The theme of the piece is allegedly "longing" so I guess the lifts are supposed reaching out for whatever it is that I'm longing for and I should probably not look like I'm having an anxiety attack.
A couple months ago I got vertigo cleaning the back shelves at work and Silverballs had to help me down. I think I just need to trust more that they've got me and it'll feel better. I need to get used to it. Ray used to pick me up and I liked it because I knew or "knew" or whatever that he loved me or anyway that being dropped by him wasn't within the realm of possibility. When he had me, it didn't bother me at all. I was nothing and it was easy to lift me up. I want it to feel like that. It scares me and I want to do it again. It feels almost as good as making bad decisions and I love me some of that.
Speaking of bad decisions, I saw Wolf Parade at Canes on Sunday. Not that that was a bad decision, just that those are a few of my favorite things: Wolf Parade and bad decisions. I was so close to the Krug I couldn't believe it. He definitely sweated on me. His music has been really important to me. The last few years have been kind of shitty/lonely and his music has made me feel less lonely in a way that I don't think a real person that I actually know could do. Wow, that sounded really gay. We're dropping a ponygirl video on it soon because if we had to battle to write about the show that shit would get gnarly brutal. We don't want to do that to our pretty little faces. But I guess it's cool if I let some really homosexual things out here, in the interest of not being a total ass in the video.
I don't know if maybe I'm just projecting or what, but I feel like the emotional landscape of those songs is like looking in a god damn mirror. Bad decisions, impossibilities, infidelities, snippets of conversation and the shape of your hands. Thwarted desires. Maybe it's just being human. Even "I'll Believe in Anything", a song that seems so optimistic and romantic has the underlying tension of impossibility. It's all in his delivery. Listen to "Three Colors" and ask yourself if you think the person he's talking to gives a fuck about the wind in his window. That show made me want to write music again. The energy was incredible. Been doodling with my guitar. See what happens.
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